why did I agree to come home? I hate it at home. no one is here. my dad is more drunk than he usually gets because his mom is on her death bed. of course, instead of going to spend her final days with her , he chooses to get wasted and mope around here and embarrass us in public when we go out for dinner. here are some gems from tonight:
• “What is that black guy doing on TV?”
• “Hey, McCall, did you know your boyfriend is a queer because he’s from Texas?” (This is not the first time he’s said this to me; I used to get pissed and tell him he’s being an immature asshole, but it’s useless.)
• “oh my god, that woman is so ugly. get that bitch off the TV!”
• “So guys, my mom is dying and she looks like shit. She’s so gross looking.”
I really don’t see any good in my father. he’s a biggoted racist and sexist asshole with a serious narcissistic streak (he has no reason to be so self-absorbed because he’s a prick). in fact, he was so drunk at 9AM that he was slurring words and tripping. it just got worse as the day progressed. you know, I used to feel pity because drinking in excess is all he knows how to do to deal with his problems, but now I can’t muster up any sympathy. all I feel is angered and annoyed.
i’m home and i don’t want to be home. i want to go back to Portland and be with my bunny and my boyfriend and my car and waaaaah.
I feel so exhausted and I want to sleep, but I really just want to make sure my boyfriend gets everything he needs to ace his finals today and I’ve ran to the grocery store and a coffee shop already and I have to go back to the grocery store to pick up some stuff so he can get a good breakfast and it still feels like I never do enough for him and I want him to know just how much he means to me and that no other guy will ever amount to him because he’s such a fucking gentleman and he makes me feel love in the best way possible and all I want to say to him is that I will always be there for him and care about him when he needs it most and every morning I’ve gotten to wake up and see his sleepy eyes has been fucking amazing and I’d really like to experience that every day for the rest of my life because nothing makes me melt in the same way and I know I’m so disgusting right now because I keep talking about him like you people care but I do so fuck it and this is the worst run-on sentence ever so I’m going to end it.
is it terrible that I’m really tempted to walk the two feet over to his computer and bug him for sex?
… yes, it is. he needs to study. don’t be a cunt, guuurl.